Belt Buckles & Pajamas Read online

  I call on everyone I have ever had inside me, seeking redemption, seeking salvation from this final decree. But no one is there, it is only me inside, and I realize that I have changed, I am complete, I don’t need the others to fill the holes in my being.

  I look into those soft brown eyes that have pulled me in so many times. I take my hand and caress her cheek. I think maybe this once, if I ask, she will kiss me.

  I don’t ask. Instead, my hand falls down. “Okay,” I tell her. “I will go.”

  My last day at Kanapolis Sanitarium is a quiet one. I take Gordon for a walk around the grounds. He is perfect for long, contemplative strolls, always following, never interrupting your train of thought. I wipe the drool off of his chin and kiss him goodbye.

  Pet Shop and his menagerie hoot and moo and whistle their goodbyes. “You’ll be back,” the hedgehog prophesies. Only as a visitor, I think, but I do not dispute his claim out loud.

  I even stop by Doctor Martin’s office. He is recuperating well. I don’t hug him goodbye. Not all is forgiven. But I do thank him for letting Gordon stay where he can be cared for. Where Andie can help him.

  Kareem is almost as hard to say goodbye to as Andie will be. I hug him and he lets me give a little kiss. Not on the lips. I ask him if he is gay and he just laughs at me.

  Andie. Andie drives me to the bus stop. She presses some money in my hand. I want to give it back but I know I need it and that this last act of love is all I can get from her.

  “Thank you, Andie. For believing in me. For making me believe in myself. Thank you for caring about us.”

  “Daphne, I am so proud of you. I know you will be fine out there. You are strong. You are a wonderful, caring person. I will miss you.”

  I struggle to hold the tears in. “I’ll miss you too. Please take care of Gordon.”

  “I promise. You’ll let me know if you need anything, won’t you?”

  “I’ll be fine,” I tell her.

  “I know, but still, if you do?”

  “If I do, you’ll be the first to know.”

  I hand her the card I made this morning. It isn’t as detailed as Gordon’s or as pretty as Pet Shop’s but it is my final act of acknowledgement to who I have become. She glances at it, looks up and gives me the gift of one last smile. We hug. I regret not stealing a last kiss from her, but think it will be easier on me without that lingering hunger haunting me.

  * * *

  My fingers trace that last plate on the plaque. The names etched on it, Theodore, Glen, Violet, Stuart and Melissa, still visit me in my dreams. But they are most often dreams and not nightmares. They and all the people I met at this place will forever be with me. But they do not control my life now.

  I look up from the graveyard, my gaze following the path we trod on so many times, back to the dormitories. I long to follow it again, to see my angel, to see my Andie. To be once more in that presence of beauty, to smell that hair with autumn and crackling fires and holding hands and love all rolled into a sweater and a pleated skirt. To look into those eyes that spoke of hope and promises and rebirth. To taste the sweetness of ambrosia on those lips. To hold the one that I will always love.

  “Screech,” an owl calls, breaking me out of my reverie. I see him in the big tree, watching me watch my past, and I wonder if he is the same owl we fed toast to. I regret having nothing to toss him.

  A final glance along the path, and then I turn the other way. Forward.

  * * * THE END * * *

  About the Author

  Michele LeBlanc is a pen name for Elmore Hammes – a pen name was used due to the mature content of this book compared to his other books, including a children’s fantasy. He is a former computer programmer who jumped into the decidedly shark-infested waters of fiction writing. His short stories have appeared in publications ranging from obscure e-zines to nationally distributed magazines, including The First Line, Espresso Fiction, joyful! and St. Anthony Messenger.

  He has self-published several novels through his own Kanapolis Fog Publishing Emporium imprint; these are available in print form through Amazon.com and most bookstores as well as in Kindle editions. Several of his short stories are also available in Kindle editions.

  A few of the novels:

  Questionable Heroes (science fiction/superhero)

  Superheroes become the idols of our children, role models to look up to and emulate. But what happens in the dark shadows, out of the public spotlight? What happens when the men and women behind the masks let their own desires guide their actions? Questionable Heroes tells the story of the heroes of Kanapolis, from vigilante to ghost hunter to Amazonian beauty. Some remain true to their noble calling; some do not.

  The Twenty Dollar Bill (general fiction)

  Follow the path of a twenty dollar bill as it is stolen, given, spent or otherwise passed from person to person, traveling from place to place. No bombastic explosions, steamy sex scenes, political intrigue or cosmic encounters. Just slices of life from the people you walk by every day - glimpses into how ordinary people interact, how they think, how they feel and how they love. A contemporary novel exploring every day interactions and relationships.

  Through the Arch (contemporary fantasy)

  Grove Miller is torn between two worlds. Nightmares of his mother's death trap him in the past as the love of Laurie Sanderson draws him to the future. Unknown to him, his father is the king of a verdant land that can only be reached through natural gateways, arboreal arches that cross between our modern world and an Inner Realm where Nature still reigns supreme. Grove must answer the questions about his past in order to face the future. He must win the love of his life and preserve his father's kingdom from treachery. A modern fantasy with elements of mystery and intrigue. Step into a wondrous land, step Through the Arch!

  The Cloud (science fiction)

  A story of hope, love and redemption set against the stars. An unstoppable cloud hurtles through the cosmos, annihilating all life in its path, absorbing the energy of living creatures as it passes from system to system. A lone survivor of an advanced civilization is rocketed from his doomed planet in an attempt to preserve a race, heading toward the solar system and the green-blue orb called Earth. A simple farm girl holds the key to stopping the approaching menace, but she must find her way to love to do so. With a beginning inspired by Superman and pulp fiction such as Flash Gordon, the story then transitions into modern space opera. The Cloud is a science fiction romance with action and adventure, appropriate for teenage readers and above.

  The Holmes and Watson Mysterious Events and Objects Consortium: The Case of the Witch’s Talisman (middle grade mystery/fantasy)

  Kevin and Ginny are best friends. They enjoy spending their summer vacations exploring Sharper's Woods, coming up with neat experiments, pretending to be Sherlock Holmes and Mister Watson, and sometimes just sitting in the clubhouse of The Holmes and Watson Mysterious Events and Objects Consortium. They are the only members of the club, but that doesn't stop them from having fun. Sometimes their exploring gets them into trouble, either for going somewhere they shouldn't have or by finding something that was better left unfound. In this case, it is a strange metal object, a talisman, which calls forth, unbeknownst to Kevin and Ginny, a powerful witch. The kids do know that weird events have been happening in their small town. Animals have been found dead, and then they disappear. The metal object they found has a strange effect on Ginny when she touches it. It will take all their detective skills and courage to solve the mystery, and to defeat the witch once they realize who they are up against.

  Table of Contents

  One: In Which We Meet Some People

  Two: An Encounter With Stuart

  Three: Violet Is A Whore

  Four: More Than Just A Name

  Five: Theodore And Daphne Share A Dream

  Six: The Cemetery Revisited

  Seven: In Which The Bad Doctor Joins The Good Doctor

  Eight: Bolts Of Lightning

  Nine
: In Memoriam Of A Hero

  Ten: Andie Gets All Professional

  Eleven: The Search For Glen

  Twelve: In Which No One Dies That We Know Of

  Thirteen: Group Therapy With The New Group

  Fourteen: Stuart Builds A Machine To Save Us All

  Fifteen: Lunch Does Not Start Well

  Sixteen: Shy Boy On The Couch

  Seventeen: All In The Family

  Eighteen: The Bad Doctor Returns

  Nineteen: Recalibrating The Reflection Things

  Twenty: Andie Tells Us A Story

  Twenty-One: More Wheel Of Fortune

  Twenty-Two: In Which We Are No Longer Safe

  Twenty-Three: The Lady Is Informed

  Twenty-Four: Dreams Of A Happy Nature

  Twenty-Five: Discovering The Past, But Not Ours

  Twenty-Six: The Hitchhiker

  Twenty-Seven: Reverse

  Twenty-Eight: Return Of The Screech Owl

  Twenty-Nine: Strategizing Means Pretty Pictures

  Thirty: Slumber Party

  Thirty-One: In A Pissy Mood

  Thirty-Two: Journey Through Darkness, Part One

  Thirty-Three: Journey Through Darkness, Part Two

  Thirty-Four: Journey Through Darkness, Part Three

  Thirty-Five: Morning After

  Thirty-Six: Shy Boy Gets A Kiss

  Thirty-Seven: Plan C

  Thirty-Eight: Andie’s Return

  Thirty-Nine: Arts And Crafts

  Forty: Never Been Kissed

  Forty-One: Feeding The Screech Owl

  Forty-Two: Andie Tells Us Another Story

  Forty-Three: Finishing The Tags

  Forty-Four: Spin That Wheel

  Forty-Five: Mean Old Doc

  Forty-Six: Favors

  Forty-Seven: All Grown Up

  Forty-Eight: Kareem And Shy Boy

  Forty-Nine: The Mystery Of Melissa

  Fifty: Clean Wheel Of Fortune Is Boring

  Fifty-One: Dream A Little Dream

  Fifty-Two: Doctor Martin’s Fascination

  Fifty-Three: Remembering The Dead

  Fifty-Four: Two Lights

  Fifty-Five: Gordon

  Fifty-Six: Anyone Else In There?

  Fifty-Seven: Rest And Reflections

  Fifty-Eight: Prognosis Good

  Fifty-Nine: Final Spin

  Sixty: Midnight Mayhem

  Sixty-One: Aftermath

  Sixty-Two: Reunion

  About the Author